True Assets

so its the 2nd day of my new found freedom:) that is my staying at home as a full time house wife ....yea doesnt sound that great! but i am thinking of this time as being at "Rehab" i mean literally! i have actually been doing NOTHING at all....and trying to think about how to free my soul of the -gativities of the past four years. It not that last 4 years were a total waste ...no they were not! i have met the most mazing people in these years, had the most fun, excitement, feel of power(being able to make a difference) i have had the pleasure of helping so many people in different aspects..... in short last 4 years have matured me as a person,what i AM today is mostly what i have been through these few last years:) i have been blessed with the bestest of frnds and have learnt that you life can be as beautiful and as ugly as you make it....i ahve come across such charismatic people who can do it all with grace and at the same time have come to know such shallow people who inspite of having all stink big time!
cause at the end of the day what all matters is how you life has shaped you for the better, what respect have you earned from those around you, what have you given back and what you have become. i believe that your life is measured by the number of people who respect you and will truely miss you when you are gone, and remeber you with great regard. I am not saying that i acheived that wholly ( there are i am sure many people, who think of me as not so great ) but what feedback i got from some people on my last day at work has left me "proud" and overwhelmed :)

"This is for my friend Mehwish.

She came to me at a time when all my friends had left the bank and alone I was sitting somewhere in the corner of NJI building, perhaps going through some of the worst days for me at work. It was the TBM, the most dreaded and the most fun event that Commercial bank did every year that brought us together.
A True original, Mehwish is not impressed or inspired by anyone and more importantly does not have one ounce of superficiality in her. A person who believes in what is right and stands by it, even if the whole world disagrees, and really at the end of the day, do we really care what others think? I know some people whose entire lives are built around what others think of them, I almost became that. It took someone like Mehwish, who is much younger to me, to show me it was A-okay to be who you are.

Mehwish’s unsaid motto has been – be yourself, ‘cause that’s the hardest thing to be. The last of the true originals, Mehwish will be dearly missed. "

bye bye 9 to 5

Ladies and gentlemen, i am a fresh pround unemployed person!!!..... those of u who dunt have a clue wht i am talking about....need to resign to feel this bliss of temporary unemployement (i sure hope its temp :/ )

its like sum1 has removed a BIG boulder from over my shoulders.... (i SO wasnt working in any construction cmpany:p *lame joke i know...but TODAY i am alowed to be lame and totally crazy*) cause i DID it!!! i RESIGNED from a perfectly perfect job paying gud money per month....for sleeping in late in the morning, lazying with a book in the afternoons and doing whtever i want and when ever i want!!! bye bye 9 to 5 .....here i come free lance world.....sky is the limit!!

The name is good, the brand is big

But the work I do is that of a pig

The work or the brand;

what is my way?I don’t know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way

Nobody will care to hear what I say

My will be NULL, they wont change their way

I don’t know if I should stay.

The project is in a critical stage

But to do good work, this is the age

This dilemma is killing me day by day

I don’t know if I should stay.

The money is good, the place is great

But the development is at a very small rate

Should I go for the work, or wait for pay

I don’t know if I should stay. !

The managers don’t know what they talk

The team doesn’t know where they walk

That’s a bad situation, what say?

I don’t know if I should stay.

I can go to any other place

But what if I get the same disgrace

I can’t keep switching day by day

I don’t know if I should stay.

The -ves are more, the +ves are less

Then why have this unnecessary mess

No more will I walk their way,

It’s all done, I JUST won’t stay.

the burden of this world ......

YEs i am one of THOSE who think this world will fall out of its orbit if i wouldn’t take care of it.... and guess what this huge responsibility is not very comforting ! I am SICK & tired of taking care of everything and everyone in my life ..... who made me incharge han? Its one of the, many demerits of being a woman…and the eldest child in one’s family. Since childhood I have been taking care of my 3 siblings like a mother whether mama was around or not….. it has been my duty to take care of them psychologically, when it came to perception management or studies or carrier counseling …… in addition to being their mentor I had an in built boss in me … who was to overlook the activities going round the house and mostly be the communicator of the “bad news” to the workforce (siblings) which the high authorities (mom & dad) didn’t want to deliver themselves. hence, from the very beginning I have been trying to be THE best at everything, being responsible for everything.......
Nothing changed even after I got married in fact the boss and the elder sister in me took over and before I realized I was “bringing up” my husband. From taking care of his breakfast in the morning, getting his clothes ready for work, putting his things back in places …..All the way to carrier counseling & stress management …. my job and responsibilities don’t end. I am worried about his health, his driving, his work pressure, his studies (making notes for him, keeping a check on his assignment deadlines, keeping his stationary and his collage id card and making sure that he has prepared for his exam), his social life…… etc etc etc so basically I have been promoted from being his wife to his full time care taker and his personal assistant…and everything for him. Its not that I don’t do things for myself, I do. But it’s the constant backend worried that are exhausting me…..and I see no cure to them! I think it’s just being one of the many demerits of being a women ……I just wish I could take it easy and that too soon before I collapse! generally i deal with everything smoothly without MUCH complaining as ghalib puts it

“Ranj sai khugar ho insaan, toh mit jata hai ranj
Mushkilain itni pari mujh per kai assan ho gayee”

but there are some days when i just cant take it and feel like running away......

Style Up!

arghhhhh!!!! ever been so hungry that ur stomach ACTUALLY makes sounds?!!? mine is doing so right now and i NEED foooood!!
no matter how much i try loosing stuborn pounds off me, seems i just cant control my hunger! is it an indication of a weak will power?? i think it is...so i have decided that instead of crying abt lack of time for exercise and all i'll just start working on my mindset! hmph!!

yesterday, i came across this tv show TIM Gun's guide to Fashion, which REALLY impressed me and has give me a new mission al2gether :D thats always good right ;)
anyway so in this show, this Tim guy transforms a random lady's life by adjusting minor things in her life...like her dressing sense, teaches em what to wear to make the best of your EXISTING body shape and type! how to let go of things u CANNOT control and how carrying those burdens wears u out..... its really inspiring i tell u and the transformations are amazing :)

so that has kind of made me more comfortable with mylife as i know i can still do sumthing abt it even if i cant be regular for my workout.... also i need to redo my entire wardrobe! yayyyy THAT i luv doing :D

Dare to be different?

Many things ..many mnay things are going through my mind as I pen down this decision of mine..that is to quit my 4 year long banking career... what if i dunt get another job? What all will I do with ALL the free time which I am not at all used to having? how will i cope with my financial limitations? what the hell will i tell people around me? how will it impact my lifestyle? why cant i just go ahead and continue working? why? when? what? how.... and so many more questions and apprehensions are haunting me day in and out ……… *sigh*
The fact is that I am bored and sick of the political corporate world! On the surface I have a perfect job, hefty salary, no power failures (means I am always sitting in a chilled room and have a reasonably fast internet connection at my disposal) a free telephone line, job security and a bunch of nice people to hang out with. So what else a girl needs?!?! Why am I even thinking of quitting!

The only reason for my is that ……I feel I am getting dull! Don’t you think that’s stupid? Just because I feel my brain has stopped doing challenging work and is mostly processing the random gossips being thrown my way from all around the floor and inevitably me passing it around… I feel I am useless! And on top of all that my boss making me feel even less important by ignoring me for days although I am the most senior in my team. But I also know that he himself is just passing time and so is everyone else in this organization…so y am I feeling guilty? Why do I feel I am wasting myself away?

I think I know y! the fact is that I AM wasting myself …. Not doing anything is making my brain go numb and I fear I’ll so get used to this that I wont be able to come back…hence this decision…… I know what I am doing is not wrong but its daring, definitely daring……for someone like me who has always taken measured steps, have always had things all planned, never really taken risks …….so I am scared …very scared …and yes it is big for me! …there is SO much to do in this world, so many things to learn, I don’t want to do banking all my life I want change!!!

Plus every1 keeps on telling me that what I am doing is WRONG!!! They tell me to do what every1 is doing…just CHILL! And let the money come in!!
*oh God! I cant do this alone…just plz help me *

Geo -- Plz jeenay do

yesterday @ iftar time, sitting around the table, watching tv we were trying to get to a channel that shows iftar countdown, we came to halt at geo news. After the iftar dua and azan some news about this "kalakar" (artist) started .......they were showing this random singer who cudnt make a living out of his singing and now sells ice cream to raise his family. the way Geo put it ...it was like "talent ki pakistan main koi kadar nahin - aik singer apni singing ko chor kai ice cream ka thaila laganay laga" and they show these random people from the streets who are saying "becharay kai uper yeh din a gayee hain" etc etc........
what i got pissed at was the tone of "bechargi" to the entire news! y ?? y is selling ice cream THAT degrading to our nation!? hasnt any one seen people singing for money at tube stations...do u call them beggers?? not really! they are NOT asking for money...they are only displying their talents and people who want to give ...they give! but the point is our nation has forgotten then Mehnat is what is desired and no kaam is degraded in Islam! but Geo seems to think other wise....at times i feel they are only trying to agitate the nation and nothing else....

the IT people

Abu jee thinks that i wasted my CS degree by joining a bank...also he thinks that i wrongly occupied someone else’s seat for four years since my work doesn’t involve IT! but what he doesn’t realize is that in today's era computer knowledge (not only basic) is required in most walks of life.....there have been numerous times when i feel utterly blessed for having strong IT background and how it helps me excel in my current job as compared to my fellow colleagues occupying the same positions....common misconception amongst people is that if you have a CS degree you shud either be working at a s/w house or at the IT dept of some company.....matlab you shud be involved with programming (eww :s) ....
if you belong to the same league as me i am sure you'l understand .....esp during interviews...they’ll always ask...

Interviewer: "ummm, so why did u change ur field??"
me (standard response): well ...i didnt! the position i am holding requires IT background"
Interviewer: *gives me a doubtful look.....* ummm, i am not sure how?
me: well to begin with...blah blah blah ......

Yesterday only, while sitting in a room full of MBAs/product managers struggling to comprehend what the system vendors were trying to say .......*they were talking about an ERP solution customization and test case environment building*....in my head i kept on thinking ..."ahhh...i am so cool....its all so simple....poor them!! " *evil grin followed by a sympathetic look and a sigh*

So yea in my eyes those 4 years....where i have prepared myself to feel super COOL then the muggles (non-IT people) and be able to give them that look of pity.....are totally worth it ;)

Baby blues....

Everyone around me is having babies....whts with this world!!! i am telling you one day we will be flooded with babies ....cute babies, ugly babies (yes they exist!!) , annoying babies...babies babies and more babies...... ufffffffff..........i am in no way a baby hatter...infact i really adore them .....but this sudden baby season is definately getting to me.....either you go to a super market, mall, especially a plane or for that matter another country!! all you see is babies....i know Allah mian i want a baby too but that doesnt make me feel sympathetic or effectionate towards them...cause as long as they are not mine ....i think i have the right to be annoyed at them....no!? i think i do!

actually now a days i am constantly hearing the "baby talk" .... since i move in circle that has 1 seven month pregnant lady, another 4 month, one who is dying to be pregnant, one JUST had a baby and me !! so u can imagine.....i feel i know all about pre-post and during pregnancy issues, highs and lows....which is not comforting at all! i want to stall that all till the time when i experience them myself!!

Also, this flana is "having a baby"...is certainly planting various thoughts in my mom-in-law and my own mama's brain... the rest you can imagine......

another interesting fact about these "new" baby owners is how they try to convince you that what a blessing it is and how you shud have one too..... i at times feel they are just trying to convince their own selves..... and justify that they have made the right choice !!

and the dark lord rises...

When I was reading Harry potter, never did I in my wildest dreams imagine that it will become a reality…… it was a fiction, an interesting tale sketched in a fantasy world of J.K Rowling.

But Pakistan's current political scenario has forced me to think that may be the plot of HP is becoming a reality- Voldemort- the dark lord - "the one who must not be named" has come to power …. has taken over our country with his Death Eaters openly vandalizing our country and more specifically our dear city. What is the fate of this nation? my soul shudders even by thinking about it...May Allah help us all and save dear our Nation! Amen

My dream Job....

My dream job is the one where I’ll be the boss (naturally!), have my own room –a beautiful room, designed to perfection :D , will have a car (chauffer driven of course, who wants to drive in this traffic!) …. Will have a personal secretary… a team of loyal employees (who love me and worship me…*dreamy sigh*) my boss (owner of the huge company, totally adores me …thinks of me as the best employee ever) huge salary and 9 to 5 dot ….and yea the work will be something I really like doing (that I still need to figure out!!)….my work place will have a well equipped gym and a day care center …… I will travel (first class) around the world looking all professional and super hot! Having sophisticated meetings at the most exquisite places of the world :D Haiiiii……kahan kho gayee main!! Allah miannnn…meri dua sun lainnn…..

“Hazaroon khwahishain ais, kai har khwahish per dum niklay,
Buhat niklay meray armaan, laikan phir bhee kam nikay” ...wah wah wah...

Oops my stupid boss is coming and he wants some crap data by day end today I think I should just head back to work……will continue dreaming later….

Me as of today....

So, today is 22nd of August 2008, and I am 25 years old as of now and weigh an embarrassing 70kgs *sob*, have lost a bit of my snow white complexion am currently working at a big bank as a Product Manager, am married to the love of my life for the past 3 years and have a reasonably great life (in fact more than reasonably) :D

I see life as a stage drama, a bollywood film with its ups and downs as Shakespeare writes (from As You Like It ) …..

“All the world's a stage,And all the men and women merely players:They have their exits and their entrances;And one man in his time plays many parts….”

Or as Karan (Saif Ali Khan) says in HUM TUM …… ;)

“Humari zindagi aik kahani ki tarah hai…jab hum kisi sai miltay hain toh humari kahan us shaks ki kahani sai jur jati hai aur aik nai kahani ban jati hai……” ...lol

Today......
1. The weather is gorgeous and i was in an awesome mood till i came to work where I got annoyed at my boss , cause he gave our team this huge lecture about what we should be doing and what we shudnt be etc etc *yawn*

2. Have alot of farigh time at work (am thinking if my office is exactly what producers of "The Office" had in mind...ho bhe sakta hai)

3. Am obsessed with loosing atleast 10Kgs, have been planning and replanning for weight loss and been putting it for 2moro... and 2moro never comes .... :)

4. Am again thinking of what i want out of my life....what i really want to do ..... :S

5. Am glad that Id be going to my mama's place for 2 days :D:D *yayyyy*

6. Am thinking of going to the gym 2day ......when will the clock strik 5 ..ufffff

7. Am craving for something sweet but trying not to think about it since 10kgs have to go ..they just HAVE to !! am trying to get inspiration from various sources btw (e-diets etc) Imagine!!! :/

9. just got a call from a head hunter for a job at another bank ....... ahhhhhhh Allah mian plz get me a new job now ...cant stand mean people who ask me....STILL here !?!? btw speaking of which reminds me that i do have a dream job...... will write about it later ....and i know one day the dream WILL become reality (inshAllah )

10. and i am missing my hubby as usualll ...... haiiii

Can you keep a secret?!?

I read a book today, it was lame, useless, total crap titled “Can you keep a secret?”…but I actually read all of it in one go….cudnt put it down..,,yea I admit it …I actually liked it! One of those embarrassing books you have read and liked but people should not know about ;) and you actually try to justify it to your own self that why something like it appealed to you! And the reason I came up with was a bitter truth …..I could relate to it! The main character in the book ‘Emma’ had a personality like mine …she had a crazy restless brain like mine….. that kept on buzzing, talking gibberish to her …just like my brain does!! I got so fascinated by her character that I just kept going on and stopped only once I finished. And then I realized that may be I am not THAT weird….there are more people like me who don’t know what they want out of their lives …live in their own dream world and who see their lives as a movie script with proper background music. Yes ladies and gentlemen I am that WOMAN!! *sigh* anyway, so I thought I should also start writing about my life….. for my own sake. So that tomorrow when I grow old, I can read about my life at any point in time and analyze it in general (yes i am this farigh! *sob*). This will make me realize that how things that are important and even life threatening to me today (for instance, N A) will be a good laugh tomorrow (hopefully!!) :D

To realize that we always cherish the days gone by- the past always seems better then present and future always seems promising, seems more attractive and how the same future when becomes present seems crappy and once becomes PAST suddenly transforms into one of the best times! So yea that’s my logic for starting this thread.

Breathless Norfolk!

Norfolk -a low-lying county in East Anglia, England, is without doubt one of the most beautiful places on the face of this earth. Vast beautiful fields of strawberries and cherries add beautiful color to the surrounding yellow wheat growth. Gorgeous houses in scenic settings most of them built with castle like bricks, speak of its historical grandeur once inhibited by dukes and Earls. The entire neighborhood has a touch of ancient monarchy and mark of magnificence.

II was staying at sheringham, a seaside town - right out of a fairy tale!! Thing I loved the most about the place was its serenity, the calmness and the beautiful weather that added to the overall perfection.
When I was young, I loved to read “the magic faraway tree” by Enid Blyton, over and over again. The book was magical and written in a country setting, every time I read it, I would imagine a place like sheringham!! Although sheringham has a commercial side to it, is very much developed and also has no enchanted wood or any wood at all but it was definitely very close to what I had imagined the place in the book to be like!!

Interesting Journey....

khaiiiirrr....now we are at sherangham Norfolk county in East london havent seen any of it till now...came late at night after an eventful journey......i had high fever and cant remeber much of wht happened but all i kno is that we left Nothholt London (SB's place) at around 11:30 and were supposed to reach at around 1 in the night but reached at 3 AM!!and guess y?! we had a flat tyre !!! imagine aik flat tyre took 1 and half hour ......to get repared..not like here in pakistan ......where it takes only a few minutes .....S uncle tried changing it and realized that he didnt have the right equipment so he called the insurance company AA.....who sent a representative at 1 at night from Luton which is approx 100 miles (1 hr drive away)......we waited for him in the cold as there is a rule that if sumthing happens to the car and insurance ppl are on their way u need to step out of the car!! i went out but soon S uncle realized that ill freeze to death if i stayed out (although i was wearing 2 jackets courtesy jajo) ............so he switched on the heater and i slept inside while the 3 of them waited for help!
the guy came after a hr and a half and diagnosed the problem......these was a cap over the screw which needed to be removed in order to open it with the jack that S uncle had ! funnyy....basically we waited so long for some poor guy to come this far only to remove a cap and the wheel was changed within 2 mins!! no exagerrations literally it took total 2 minutes for the entire process........

we started our jouney again and stopped when S uncle dosed off while driving !! and jaj had to literally shake him to stop the car..... we forced him to take a nap b4 moving any further...and we all napped in the middle of no where...had i not been drugged ...... id be shit scared ;) ......

anyway...we reached home at 3AM in the night and S dragged me upstairs to bed ...... and i was done for the day.......

Sleepless in london

finally i got up from the bed today...its my 4th day in London and have had cold and fever since the time i arrived :( :( not been able to do anythign at ALL !! and the worst of all is that i cant sleep ..... no matter how late i sleep at night...cant sleep past 6 AM :( which is adding to my misery ......


anyway.....even with this tabiat i went to c london yesterday.....saw buckingham palace and picadly circus :) spent most of the day in the tube though...its crowded and tiresome...but had fun ...with Jajo and S uncle :D they are a lovely couple mashAllah ..... me and S had looooooads of fun !!

we did alot of bolywood posing and took numerous photosss... filmiiii aik dum....har jaga charh kai pics khichwainn :D for lunch we had omelate penolini or sumthing a very yummy form of sandwhich....then....had yummy berry italian ice cream even with my flu as S uncle thout it will help me get rid of the stupid cold ...and yea it never does :S it was amazing though...
for which i had to pay a price at night ......coghed and ached in fever ...yuck!

Packing....

2 Am in the night and i am still left with a lot of packing.....its seems like never ending! S on the other hand is fast asleep..... he had left everything till last moment and returned home at 11 after gathering all items on his shopping list!! i on the other hand have been packing and repacking .... arguing with the darzi on last moment dress alterations....some pictures which had to be developed and werent ready .....getting duppatta's done etc etc uffffffffffffffff..... but alhumdulilah everything is all set now :D
weird commercial running on tv ...something abt mobilink magic .....the ads now adays are becoming pretty lame.....*yawn*
i think i should get back to packing and get some sleep have a loooooooong flight 2moro......

One day to go

i am actually breathless...even by thinking about it! :D :D just one day left ...yayyyyy!
been real busy with so many last minute things...esp the tailor! my fault i admit ..but wht can one do ....one's gotta be a bit lazy too ;) i have been postponing going to the tailor......and to the bazars for quite some time.....although thats all what i have been doing since past few months now.....still

with F's wedding, N's mangni...and now SB's wedding its been crazy busy (Thank God for that :D:D) no matter how much i complain abt it ....i dunt want to change even a bit of the happenings of my life ....i am thankful to Allah for each and every thing/event or even the frustrations coming my way......atleast i am living each moment ...... i luv activity and happenings ....monotony mankes me sick....so i am glad for all the craziness :)
inshAllah the trip is going to be gr8..... although i have decided that this time around i am going to actually RELAX ...but that never happens on a vacation ..not for me atleast.....i always end up tiring my self more.....and then want another vacation to get over the last one ;)

London london here i come ....

not that we had applied for the visa way back or for that matter on time...but it was gr8 receiving our UK visa on the 6th day of submission :D

I am really excited for SB's wedding in London....btw i have never been there, this is going to be my very first time :) :) and to explore new places with the one who means the world to you is unexplainable !! me and S will be leaving on saturday inshAllah ..... for 2 whole weeks of complete relaxation i hope...i so need it ...seems like i have been on job forever...although our France/Paris trip was in Feb this year only ...but i guess one can never have enuff of vacations!!!

loads of packing to be done ..... clothes to be picked up ...... close some imp work projects and i am all set to fly :D