the burden of this world ......

YEs i am one of THOSE who think this world will fall out of its orbit if i wouldn’t take care of it.... and guess what this huge responsibility is not very comforting ! I am SICK & tired of taking care of everything and everyone in my life ..... who made me incharge han? Its one of the, many demerits of being a woman…and the eldest child in one’s family. Since childhood I have been taking care of my 3 siblings like a mother whether mama was around or not….. it has been my duty to take care of them psychologically, when it came to perception management or studies or carrier counseling …… in addition to being their mentor I had an in built boss in me … who was to overlook the activities going round the house and mostly be the communicator of the “bad news” to the workforce (siblings) which the high authorities (mom & dad) didn’t want to deliver themselves. hence, from the very beginning I have been trying to be THE best at everything, being responsible for everything.......
Nothing changed even after I got married in fact the boss and the elder sister in me took over and before I realized I was “bringing up” my husband. From taking care of his breakfast in the morning, getting his clothes ready for work, putting his things back in places …..All the way to carrier counseling & stress management …. my job and responsibilities don’t end. I am worried about his health, his driving, his work pressure, his studies (making notes for him, keeping a check on his assignment deadlines, keeping his stationary and his collage id card and making sure that he has prepared for his exam), his social life…… etc etc etc so basically I have been promoted from being his wife to his full time care taker and his personal assistant…and everything for him. Its not that I don’t do things for myself, I do. But it’s the constant backend worried that are exhausting me…..and I see no cure to them! I think it’s just being one of the many demerits of being a women ……I just wish I could take it easy and that too soon before I collapse! generally i deal with everything smoothly without MUCH complaining as ghalib puts it

“Ranj sai khugar ho insaan, toh mit jata hai ranj
Mushkilain itni pari mujh per kai assan ho gayee”

but there are some days when i just cant take it and feel like running away......